I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
