my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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