All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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