a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
