"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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