I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
