Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
