This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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