there was a trapeze. enough said
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
