If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
