im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
So much rum. So many feels.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize