I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
