first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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