last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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