I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
