Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize