Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize