Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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