I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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