I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
