ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
