Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
