that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
