It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
