So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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