I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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