His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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