Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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