It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
