So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
