Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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