I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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