I don't usually arrange sex via text message
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize