I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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