Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize