This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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