I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I think your dad took our porno
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
