I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
