She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
