I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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