How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
