Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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