I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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