Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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