Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
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