OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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