It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
