We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
