I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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