Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
