Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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