...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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