I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
it was like eating out sand paper
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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