sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
