Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Randomize
