im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
