my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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