hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Randomize
