I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
