...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
All I want is dick and wine.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
