You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
