Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
