Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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