she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
