You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize