My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
