I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize