Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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