i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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