Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
