I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize