Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
